Reality check

I want to begin with an apology for my little bloggie for not feeding it for some while. =) Sorry bloggie. On many occasions i had the urgency to "feed" my blog but in the end when i sit down, the mood was just gone with the wind. The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

The month of October has really been a great month for me. If others were in my shoes, they might put it as the worst month of the year, but i want to look at it in a positive way. The month of October has really hit me hard, pulling me back to reality.

The bad things that happened drowned the good things, and i must say this...I THANK GOD IT HAPPENED!!! Firstly, it started with me getting a not so good results in my finals for my first sem. I didn't cry or anything, but those result really affected me, and i know no one else is to blame but me. I nearly couldn't get an A for my english language. If i really didn't get an A, the chances of me going home to see my parents we...nil. OK...maybe i'm going overboard.

Then came the interesting bad thing. Within a time period of 1week+, 3 friends told me i have changed, that i had bad behaviours. I was like...ok... When i asked them what is that specific bad behaviour, they didn't want tot tell me. All they said was you should know la. I was like swt... As a friend why not just tell me what i did wrong so that i can change? One of their reply was quite meaningless. One of them said, "if i told you what it is, i'm afraid i won't be able to face you as a friend anymore."

I was thinking like "WAT!?!" , so you want to keep it in your heart and hate me your whole life? I rather you tell me and not be friends with me. At least i noe what i did wrong and change, and at least they don't need to become friends with a friend like me. I deserve it anyway. Gosh,i feel so much like putting a foul word in front of the word FRIEND in the previous sentense.

I kept thinking about what i did, but just couldn't think of anything that i did that could cause such hatred. I guess i either did it unconciously, or i was blinded by my ego. To all my friends out there, if i have hurt you in the past in any way possible, I'M SO SORRY. I guess writing it here doesn't shown sincerity at all right, and its kinda useless. OK. If i have hurt any of you, pls let me know, i will come to you personally and say sorry. Its from my heart.

I love all my friends and i would never want to hurt them. Guess i was wrong, i already did pierce through a few hearts. I guess what was written in the bible is right. The tongue is such a powerful tool. It can be used for good and evil. On both occasions, it has great effect. Its proven, through me.

Through this tough time i have learnt to withdraw and seek God. I am so happy and filled with joy when i am in the presense of my Lord. =) I want to change to who God wants me to be. It will be a process, but i'll just have to slowly go through it. Hopefully next time when they said that i've changed, it would be for the better. =)

I've decided to commit myself to putting God first in my life, and i want to challenge everyone to do the same too. I know its hard, but its better than not trying. God is patient, he will always be waiting for you. Let worshipping and praising God be not just a Saturday and Sunday thingi, but instead let it be a daily thing till the last breath. Just want to thank all my friends for keeping me in prayer. THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING!!! Be my everything. =)