GOD's little creation =)

After 2 months...

2010-11-08T18:25:00.003+08:00

...i'm back to blogging again. To be honest i really like blogging and want to a lot but when i always sit in front of my blog, either i don't know what to write, or i'm not sure if i should write what i want to write, or i'm tired. Blogging is not an easy as it looks as you have to be careful of what you write, or in other words TYPE, in your blog. Some peoples blog are full of crap and thats what i want to avoid, because i hate crap. Definition for crap, crap = things/words/pictures that are extra or that people already know or that it just doesn't benefit either the writer or the people reading it.

"Summary" of the past two months:-

September

Exams came and gone. There were highs and lows. Exiting the examination rooms were more frightening than entering them because i know i didn't do very well, at least not as well as i could have done. But what's done is done. I only have myself to blame. Holidays came. One of the most fruitful hols i have had since joining UTAR. Had MUET tuition (taught by Esmond's mom herself), brushed up on my piano, exercised (partially forced by mom, but i don't mind ^^ ), spent time with my "sister" Miki (sometimes wished she was named Kimi, sounds so much better than her other name which sounds like she is a mouse with black round ears), and most of all got to be able to be with my mom. =)

October

Holidays came to an end, but it ended well...BECAUSE...the last 3 days of my hols were spent in Camerons. ^^ I was there to attend LIFE GAME camp. Although i went to a similar camp before, i decided to go again. Overall i did enjoy my time with my God, made some new friends and learnt some stuff as well. =) Prior to the camp, i got my exam results and it wasn't good, i almost wanted to skip the camp but in the end i decided to go anyway. Sorry to my friends if my mood had affected any of you, thanks for being there for me. =)

After the camp, sem resumed and i attended classes and bla bla bla...One subject is interesting and the other...DOWNRIGHT boring...~~PENGAJIAN MALAYSIA~~...secondary school replaying all over again. Its almost like History which if you know me well enough, i have no interest in. Want proof? Just ask my sister. ^^ Maybe i can find someway to finally have interest of the history of MY OWN COUNTRY?

My brother celebrated his 21st birthday in advance (his birthday is on the * of November ****). The people whom he invited was not very far from what i expected. The people who attended "mounted" up to about 30+-. One thing he said on that night, he said :"Now i know what a wonderful family i have." Well bro, better late than never. XD

Shoutout to my bro:

Happy Birthday bro!!! 21 years on earth already...how does it feel?...getting bored?...move to mars and i'm sure you'll miss earth and ME (^^) (perasan-ing now). Although i can't see much changes (either than ur size and voice) in you since i know you, i'm sure you've grown to be more matured and intelligent. You have pissed me off countless times but you're not a pain in the neck for me, most probably cause i'm used to it or i'm not affected by it. Haha. Continue to grow in the Lord and serve him with all your heart.

Here's a little critic. Just so you know you're not the best in guitar you know (not saying that i am though, well maybe you are in your group of people), there's definitely room for improvement for you as well as you think there is room for improvement for others. Don't pull the brakes where you are, you can improve some more!!! (this sentence applies to everything, not only guitar). You have the KEY now. Don't give up on things as easily as you give up on some computer games, HAHAHA. I have to admit i look up to you in certain aspects but in some other aspects i'm glad i was never like you (in a way i learn through you too la, thx bro! ^^)...^^. Don't get angry so easily la ok? =) get angry at me easily nevermind, but don't get angry at others easily, if its hardily then...get angry lah. XD!!! BUT DON'T SIN!!! Just a reminder, i know you know that already.

Don't worry about the responsibility of the family and stuff, i will try my best to help out too. =) I won't chicken and run la, dun worry. ^^ No matter what, you'll aways be my bro and I ♥ U. =) Dun cry when you read this ya. Btw i'm ok with criticism and advices from you too. Don't hesitate to tell me ya. I want to improve too you know. =)

October ends.

Just want to say here that right now while i'm typing this, i miss:-
my sister

my b ♥

not that i don't think of others, just....not now...hehe...=D

(live telecast ended)... ... ...

^^ brilliant kobe

2010-09-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

A timely update

2010-08-25T22:06:00.000+08:00

^^ just a little update before i officially stop blogging till after exams. Many things have been happening in the pass month. Obstructions came, one after another. Of course there were happy times as well. At times i was just so tired i couldn't even lift a finger. But then again, who isn't tired after going through UTAR's killer regime?

HIllsong came to ipoh sometime in August (I don't remember the date). It was really a wonderful experience for me as i have never been to a real concert before as in standing among the people who are actually there. As expected, many people, from ipoh and out station came for this event. I don't really know their true intentions of coming but i hope that they came for the right reason: TO WORSHIP GOD.

I was actually very surprised as i observed some of my friends who were there. My Gosh you should have seen them. They were so on FIRE when they normally aren't during normal Sunday service. As i looked at them i was like "oh puh-lease". They were so high and "holy" even i was shocked. I think it was the atmosphere kicking in, or they just wanted to show their friends how "holy" they were. Honestly i'm not at a position to judge so i just wan to say sorry, i mean..maybe you were really worshiping right? Who knows? Only God knows. So i leave that between you and God.^^ Just want everyone to know that no matter where you worship God your attitude should be the same. Don't just truly worship God during youth camp or concerts like this.

Overall i must say, the musicians were spot on, as well as the music selection. Some don't think so but its ok, everyone has their own opinions i guess. My mom was actually glad she didn't turn up as i would have imagined, she would have probably left like five seconds after it began. XD!!! I actually came down from kampar and back on the same night/evening.

Mid terms were a killer. Didn't do well in most of them i must say. Have to sort out my priorities. Oh yeah, after weeks of running around, i finally managed to pass up my ptptn application. A great burden lifted off my shoulders. WHEW!!! pity pity end...XD yea...SUCH a pity its ended...haha. The whole thingi actually cost me about RM50 and with me making a mistake and printing the whole set all over again, it roughly cost me about RM60++. Silly me.

Had a fun time last Saturday playing Bible treasure hunt. Thought we finished everyting till ee chiet took out a crossword puzzle for everyone to complete. =.= It was fun la anyway. ^^

Hosanna cell had a prayer meet last Wed. All the best to everyone. We can do it through Christ who strengthens us!!! ^^ Gambateh people!!! We will conquer all the papers!!! Talking bout finals, i better get to my studies as well. Thats all for my update people. Till nextime.

bring it on!

2010-07-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

I'm back in kampar again, as usual. This weekend proved to be a fruitful and exiting weekend for me. I led worship for the first time, watched Germany trashed Argentina 4 goals to nil, serve God by playing for the first and second service and of course meet my friends and my sweet b. ^^

This week will be a very challenging week for me. Mid-term tests for calculus, programming, and maybe statistics and practical assessment for data comm. I really got to work hard if i am to get good results in any of these mid-term papers. I have to do catching for data comm and calculus, its going to be a busy week for me. Lord, i really need Your help.

I'm sure God will be there for me ^^, as He was when i led worship on Saturday. Could feel he was there all the way, leading and guiding me. Just want to thank everyone for all your prayers and encouragement. Will there be a second time? Who knows? I'm just grateful i actually have the chance to lead worship. Thanks to everyone who played for me and backed me up. THANK YOU!

I really want to do well this semester and i know at times i have been slacking. So, yeah, really need your prayers people. =) As for this week, i'm sure God will bring me through and once again show me how wonderful and great He is, as usual. ^^ Bring it on mid-terms!!!

Hehe, my blogging must be feeling so happy now that i'm filling it up more. ^^ I actually feel nice about this.

Prediction on who will win the world cup:-

1) Spain

2) Germany

3) Holland

4) Uruguay (sorry lah XD!)

ILMBB!^^

bek to blogging ^^

2010-07-03T20:10:00.001+08:00

So long have i not even touch by blog, not that i can touch it la. hehe...well, there are many things that i would like to share and i will...if i remember all of them. So be patient and let me think of what i want to share. Hmm...Let me see... for this post i would really like to share about my degree life SO FAR.

My degree life started on the 31st of May 2010 at 8.00 am. CALCULUS and APPLICATIONS. First few minutes were a piece of cake, and then it just got harder and harder. The lecturer was going on and on like there was no tomorrow. I don't know whether he forgot or what, but he didn't even give us our 5 minutes break. Sitting in the lecture seat for 2 straight hours is tiring you know, although i know standing there lecturing is also tiring la. Well, as the "bullet train" went on and as time passed, i realized i failed to keep up. Like, who can keep up running side by side with a train right?

He was skipping some stuff giving the excuse that he has to go fast cause if not he will not be able to finish the syllabus. The best excuse was his excuse of skipping those stuff. His excuse is always the same: "I'm sure you guys know this right, you've learnt it in your foundation or on your secondary school add maths". I was like...er...did i learn this? I mean like yea, maybe some stuff i didn't pay attention to during secondary school or something but you could at least run through it and not skip it totally right?

So on i went to the next class, still lost in the things that i didn't understand in the first. Next class...TEAM BUILDING and LEADERSHIP. The lecturer was kind of a nice guy. At least he is one of them who can actually speak proper pronunciation of english. ^^ Well he was nice but the first class didn't go so well, at least with me it didn't.

Things he said that made the class degrade:-

1) I'm going to change each and everyone of you and you'll be a different person by the end of this sem...confident, speak clearly with the right volume, body posture... ... ...(try me ^^ maybe its cause i'm not like others who are timid to speak in front of a crowd and stuff like dat,church certainly helped me a lot! ^^ i wouldn't mind a makeover or an improvement though)

2) I'm going to drill you all left and right,up and down (i was like yea right)

3) first assignment is due on week 3 (i was like WHAT?! that soon?!)

next class (still 31st of May)-SUN ZI"S Art of War and Business Strategies. Sounded interesting, but as it was in english and the lecturer's english was ahem...i didn't und a single thing he was talking about in the whole 2 hours of the lecture and this is my first class mind you. GOSH~~don't know how i'm going to survive 10 weeks of this. SUN ZI is suppose to be a book written bout strategies in war which also applies to business strategies in the modern age. Many people said it was nice reading the ORIGINAL chinese version than listen to the lecturer teach. As for me, i'm more comfortable with english and i'm definetely not going to read the chinese version.

The other 4 subs are Data Communication and Networking, Programming Concepts and Design, Introduction to Computer Organization and Architecture and Statistics. In summary, Programming was ok, cause i did pretty well in my programming in foundation. =) Intro to comp also ok LAH, und and keeping up so far. Statistics,well...its getting harder and the formulas i learnt in secondary school s totally different from here, its like i wasted my time =(. The worse nightmare is DATA COMM.

Interesting as it may be, its SUPER COMPLICATED. The lecturer predicted that by week 3 many would have either dropped this subject or not attend his lecture and HE WAS RIGHT. He also said something that was scary. He said:"last semester i gave the students mid term, open book, open internet, open neighbour and none of them got full marks. Finals, open book, and only 1 person got an A for this subject and about 60% passed,the others all failed." SCARY WEH. i'm liking it though some things which i learnt in week 2 i still don't know up till now (week 5). Better go look for lecturer and ask before things get worse.

Subject preview. END>>> =)

Home Sweet Home =)

2010-05-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

I'm back to blogging again...hehe...i admit it has been a while, even my typing speed has slown down. Sorry bloggie.

Exams are over. I don't know if i feel happy that it has ended or sad that i am too free now. Hmmm... I hate this feeling. When exams are around the corner and when i'm suppose to study i just feel so lazy, but now that it has ended i actually feel like studying. I must be going crazy. Maybe its because i feel i could have done better. Well, I know i did my best and i surrender my results and my future into God's hands. Not that i'm going to blame Him if i get poor results or anything, but i just believe He will bring me through. Just want to say a BIG thank you to my wonderful God for being there with me when i study and when i was in the exam hall attempting the questions. And i want to sa thank you to my friends too. THANK YOU. And a special thank you to someone special. =) You know who you are.

I came home on the 29th of April, which was a Thursday, NIGHT. Was so happy to see my parents and doggie again. =) Of course i was also happy to see my old buddy laptop who thought he would never have been left behind. Hehe... Now he knows how it feels to gather some dust. But no worries though, cleaned lappy immediately after settling down. My bed was a mess as well and honestly I DON"T KNOW WHY. i don't remember seeing it at this state when i left. Oh well, nevermind, maybe my room wants me to move around a bit. ^^

Well, looking at facebook, i can see that many fellow students are already rotting when its not even a week into sem break yet. Sigh...feel so sorry for them. I actually had plans what to do for the next few days after i came back. On Friday, i went to play badminton with my buddy wai kit. Had fun as my b came along too ^^. Saturday went on fine too. Went to help out aunt pauline with the kindergarden sports day. I didn't help much except for moving some stuff. Felt so ashamed as i didn't know how to take care of small kids. Seeing everyone else taking care of the kids i felt happy for them yet disappointed at the same time cause i didn't know what to do. Wai kit was almost like a pro, mainly cause he worked in a down syndrome childrens home before. My dear kerry also worked in one of those before, and her sisters were also naturals(KINDA). Joee, Yee Wen, Yee Mun, Pei-Qin knew a thing or two too, which leaves me=nil. Sad right. How am i going to be a father next time? Better start learning. =P

Sunday came, monday came along. Hopefully i won't waste precious time during this sem break as i have for the pass sem breaks. God please give me a goal to work on.

Just want to say farewell to my housemate Siu Fei. All the best in persuing architecture in Satapak. I will miss you. Nicholas will miss you too. T.T ~take care buddy. Am in dilemma now on how my future would be like. Will i proceed to degree? Will i still be staying in where i'm staying now? Well, I definetly believe I can make it to degree. With God all things are possible and i have faith He will bring me through. ^^ As for where i will be staying, we shall see what happens.

Will be praying for evryone i can remember to pray for. ^^
* missing her so badly now...i miss u...=)

Praise You in this storm

2010-04-25T09:40:00.000+08:00

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

It is finished!!!

2010-04-06T12:08:00.001+08:00

Easter is finally over...not that its a bad thing but everyone who was involved in playing the instruments,singing in the choir and acting in the skid would know how tiring it is. It is finished!!!...Christ has won the victory over death and sin!!!...AMEN!!! We did our job. Everyone did a GREAT job. Nice work people. I'm so proud of all of you and i'm sure God is very very proud of all of you too. I'm glad to be involved and i'm happy that i was able to work with all of you. =)

Its been some time since i wrote a post cause as you know i have been quite busy with easter and mid term and stuff like that. This post is also written in the most unlikely of places. TAKE A GUESS where i'm typing this. =p

Answer: The practical lab in UTAR. XD

Well, class is about to start and i know its not a good thing to NOT PAY ATTENTION while class is going on so...

...i shall continue my tale later =)

timely update =)

2010-03-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

It has been exactly 20 days since i wrote my last post. My bloggie is probably suffering from asthma now, finding it hard to breathe. Well, no one can be blamed for this cause, YEA, eveyone has a life right? =)

Third semester has started and its in week 3 now. After this, its 4 more weeks to go, cause this is a short sem and short sem only consists of 7 weeks of study. So...How do i know its 4 weeks to go? EASY...This is the solution:-

3+(?)=7
(?)=7-3,
7-3=(4).

How brilliant of me~~~ =P. Come on la, i have to give myself some credit right, and in between, add in a little humour so that this won't be a boring post. HEHE...

Ask anyone in church and they will most probably say their mind is filled with stuff from practices for the easter event which is going to be held on the 2nd & 3rd of April and will be held in Canning Garden Baptist Church (CGBC) itself. Pretty long sentence huh... YES!!! Easter is coming, an event which is so memorable.

Easter is usually remembered for chocolates and easter eggs and easter bunnies, which feels weird cause, since when has eggs have anything to do with bunnies have anything to do with chocolate? Don't tell me easter eggs aren't mammals and have the ability to produce eggs which contains chocolate?!...zzz...i don't know the origin of the story so pardon me. =)

For christians, Easter is a very important event too. Easter is so important because during this day, christians are remembered that Christ has won the victory and we have what we could never deserve no matter what we do~SALVATION. Salvation belongs to our God. For Him to gie us Salvation, is a very very precious gift from Him to us. Christ has prevailed death and has rose again!!! Hallelujah!!!

For this years easter event, our church is going to do a~~so called musical, or is it? I don't know... Well, i'm the bassist in the orchestra so i will do my best and, all the best to everyone too. Just do your best for the Lord, He will be so proud. =) No matter what the outcome, despite all the talk, i just want everyone to know that all of you are important in the family of God. All we can do now is commit ourselves to the Lord, commit the event to the Lord, and...PRAY. Forget the world cup, this is more important. Hehe...

Talking bout the world cup, Beckham is out. He won't make it. So YEAH!!! XD Sorry all Beckham fans, i just don't like him. Not cause of his scandals(which is actually part of the reason), but because i feel, he will just be a burden to the team and probably the cause of England getting their ass kicked out of the world cup. I'm sure capello(England's coach) is beaming with a smile right now cause beckham's injury just reduces his midfield selection headache. HAHA.

England have one of the worlds best midfield selections of all. Gerrard, Lampard, Barry, Milner, Wright-Philips, Walcott, Downing, and many more. Which is the best combination? Trust me, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW. And every England fan's fingers are crossed that Capello will be the first one to decode that and that their hero Rooney will be fit and at the form of his life. Predictions of who will and can win the world cup: England, Spain, Germany and Brazil.

Well, hope this world cup will be an exciting one. XD All the best to everyone who will be having their midterms soon. GAMBATEH!!! Signing off...FOR NOW...

X-MEN.

Goodbye CNY!!!

2010-02-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

Once again, chinese new year has passed. Some of you might say it hasn't, but honestly for me it only lasts about one week. Well, some good news for you guys, if you all consider it as good news, is that as stated in the previous post, my reaping of $$$ from those cute red little packets yield less than RM200 AS EXPECTED. So... yeah, considering whether to put in in the bank or just spend it on myself or my love ONE (note, no (S)). =)

As for the exam results, haiz...in one sentence-"its now or never", after some editing by me, it turned into "its next sem or never". Yea, my results were less than satisfying, it can be considered bad in fact. Guess my family never expected me to do so badly huh. Well, i did, so...SURPRISE!!! So much for being the brilliant kid in the family.

Things are really not that easy anymore. Nowadays, so so much of my own effort have to be put in in order to do well. Guess i'm not used to it yet. Either that, or i underestimated the exam. I think the thing is, i took things for granted. Can't REALLY put all the blame on me though, primary and secondary school examinations were, well how should i put this, more of a little less than average in the sense of difficulty although i didn't really do well anyway. =P

My prediction of my results were spot on. Best was a B, worst was a D, others are free for guessing. No english to back me up this time. =( Its all up to me to work hard and earn the results next time around. Want to know how bad of a situation i'm in now? I'll describe to you. Even if i get all A's in my next sem, i can't even get a 3.0 in my cgpa. That's how bad the situation is. Just want to thank God even right now for my results, whether good or bad. THANK YOU GOD!!!

This examination was definetly a wake up call for me. I hope i'm awake. My lazy bones has grown too much. Have to slowly chip it off now. Still kinda feel lazy. Hope this feeling will go away once the new sem starts. No...not hope...MUST!!! O God please help me. Amen. =)

To those who are sad or down or discouraged by one thing or another, here's one word for you~~

SMILE!!! =)

Just remember that whatever happens, you are a winner and God loves you. Even if you think you are a born loser, why not think of this~~ God loves a loser too. =) The best formula for success is to realise your mistake and not repeat it next time. ALL GLORY TO GOD!!!

FRESH AIR

2010-02-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

My blog was about to drown. ok...lets put it this way. My blog was drowning, and was about to die. AND THEN...along came its saviour...ESMOND!!! to rescue it just in the nick of time. =P Being so grateful that it has been saved from extinction, blog wanted to thank me,Esmond for saving IT, but was busy inhaling fresh air to fill its cells with oxygen. Esmond was SO kind and just said:"its ok, just breathe,there's no need to thank me." AWWW...how nice of Esmond. =P

And the story continues...

When blog settled down and was having steady breathing patterns, it wanted to thank Esmond for saving it. And then the thought came to IT's mind:Why am i thanking this guy? He was the one that tried to drown me!!!...

OK... Back to reality. The "story" just now was just me being a little TOO perasan(in which i felt so weird after that), and just me trying to say that i have not been blogging for a while due to exams, and am now returning to blogging. OK? Any part which you don't or didn't or don't want to understand? AH...i'll sure you will and i'm sure you did. Hehe...

Hmm...A summary of my examinations...
Monday. Fundamentals of Marketing. Overall it was ok. As usual, i just crapped.

Tuesday. Management Studies. OK lo. Everything i studied didn't come out and again...I crapped, and actually felt quite confident about it. =)

Wednesday. Writing for Mass Comm. I WROTE. Everything was ok except for the WRITING part. Throughout the sem, I WROTE and practiced on WRITING media invitations, press release and news story. What came out in the exam was FANFABULOUSTASTIC. The question was like this: Based on the details and information given below...WRITE a News Release. I was like...WHAT?!? Is this suppose to be a press release or a news story? In the end, 50% of the ppl wrote in the press release format while 49.99% written in the news story format. And the 0.01%, which was me, intelligently wrote in a mixed format. Till this day i don't know which one is the right one. I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. =P

Thursday. Web Page Design. This was suppose to be my "expertise" as i'm in the IT stream, but i think in the end those who weren't in the IT stream did much better than those which were in it. Well, that about sums it all up.

Friday. General Mathematics II. It was in one word, HELL. Don't want to talk about it, even if it does surprise any of you.

Saturday. Writing for Business. Again, I WROTE...with much more confidence this time round. The exam was ALMOST perfect, except for the fact that i didn't finish drawing my graph when i knew what to do. *SOBS* No TIME!!!...ok...its my fault. Period.

Ranking of predicted results. (From best to worst)
1. Writing for Business
2. Writing for Mass Comm
3. Fundamentals of Marketing
4. Web Page Design
5. Management Studies
6. MATHS...zzz

Lets see if i'm right when the results are out. (fingers crossed)

So, exam is over and i'm starting to rot at home which is why i'm blogging. AHA. Awaiting Chinese New Year which is also Valentines Day.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR AND VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!!!

ps. Targetting 200++ from ang pau(s) this year. Possibillity of reaching target=o.o1% =(

Even right here i just want to thank God for bringing me through the examinations and keeping me healthy. As for the results...well, i surrender it into God's hands and i'm sure i'll get what i deserve, whether good or bad. =) THANK YOU GOD!!!

I'm sure God will keep me healthy during CNY too. My friends...Do take care too ya. Don't play till crazy and don't eat till fat fat oo. Esmond signing off...TATA..

=)

EXAM!!!!

2010-01-27T23:59:00.001+08:00

EXAM is less then 1 week away!!!

I need your help LORD...

TEMPTATION!!!...GO AWAY!!!

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!!!...GO AWAY TOO!!!

PEER PRESSURE!!!...GO AWAY THREE!!!

FACEBOOK!!!...GO AWAY FOUR!!!

I must stop facebooking at start facing the book ^.^

~peace~_V

congrats everyone

2010-01-19T10:14:00.000+08:00

Just want to congratulate all those who had just become cell leaders or assistant cell leaders. You guys have really grown in the Lord. I'm so proud of all of you. =) So happy to be able to witness the growing process of you guys every step of the way.

Also want to thank our wonderful cell leaders for leading everyone, want to thank wai kit for nuturing and giving inspiration and encouragement to all, and not forgetting agapians too...you guys were an example to us in one way or another. Don't feel too old, you guys are still young in the Lord.

To all joy cell members. I'm happy to see all of us grow together through these years, being there for each other, praying for each other, visiting each other. I missed all those years. To those who has become leaders or assistants, just want to congratulate you guys. Don't be discouraged by the responsibilities but instead be happy and ready for the tests and challenges ahead. Continue to grow in Him. I'm so proud of you guys, everyone in joy cell is already a leader or assistant...well...almost everyone. I'm sure you will be good and powerful leaders. I'm sure God is proud of all of you too.

Yeah, want to thank wai kit and crew for writing the script for the easter event too. Thank you Sunny for volunterring to coreograph. Thank you everyone for being involved. =) So proud of you guys. To others who are not yet involved, do get involved in the easter play. I'm sure you will be encouraged and touched by God.

guess being in kampar does do a big deal in getting you....AH...nvrmind....sry. =) i'm fine.

CONGRATS!!!

@)!)

2010-01-12T20:48:00.000+08:00

Wondering what the title is?... I'm sure you guys are clever and intelligent enough to know what it means. If you don't, I have nothing to say. Either you don't know SHIFT or you never used a keyboard in your entire life. Don't try google-ing it, you won't get any results. =p

Before I begin my first post of the year (actually its already begun,LOL), i would like to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas, belated Happy New Year, beearly Chinese New Year and to those taking major examinations this year...R.I.P... , i mean...all the best...hehe.

For most people, especially students, it will be a new year, a new beginning...which also means new books, new stationaries, new tuitions, new friends, new bags etc etc. But for those who are working or in university, like me, almost didn't realise it was already a new year, cause we were in the middle of something.

I was in the middle of my second semester when 2009 waved goodbye and invited 2010 into the fray. In fact, i was in the peak of my semester. If you're thinking its my finals, you're wrong. Its ASSIGNMENTS and PRESENTATIONS. Ok la, lets just label it as the first peak of my semester, the second peak is the finals.

GOSH, the week before and after new year was the busiest in the sem. So many things to prepare. Slides, scripts, shoes, and so on. 4S. Ok that was lame. I was SO busy to the extent that i...AHEM...(up to your brilliant imagination) =) Lessons learnt after the presentations.

1) Never leave preparations to the last minute. You will SURELY forget something.
2) Practice before the presentations. In other words, do REHERSALS. Trust me, it does a whole lot of good. Your presentation will turn out to be crap if you don't practice, no matter how creative your slides or set up maybe.
3) Always bring a backup pendrive or laptop just incase no.1 happens.
4) Don't be so nice to the lecturers or tutors during class. You won't get special favour during presentations. They will turn into someone you don't know when you are presenting. In other words, they are "PRO".
5) Think of a expert excuse just in case something...SOMETHING...really happens. (touchwood)

As of 7th of January, i'm free of assignments, or at least i think i am (silent yahoo!, fingers crossed). Sorry people for looking like a cute little panda for the past few weeks. Will try to return to my human form as soon as possible. No promises, finals on the way.

Have been relaxing too much after the presentations. Gosh, 4 presentations in 3 consecutive days is fatal. Thank You God for giving me strength throughout that period. =) Have been trying to plan to do something crazy just for fun but this thought always comes to mind which makes me stop ~ "Whos Your DADDY" Okokok...Sorry Lord, you're my daddy. Hee... My Daddy loves me. He loves you too!!!

Hope everyone will start to get used to the new year, cause it won't be so NEW after some time. Wish everyonr all the best in achieveing their goals (hope you guys are having right goals in mind). Signing off....Your friend,

Anonymous Super Survivor aka ASS. Crazy over Left 4 Dead 2 right now...Hmm...How many survivors are there actually? 4? or 6? Confusing. Left 4, Dead 2. =P

p.s Love my real name, whether you like it or not. =)

The CAMP 2009

2009-12-20T17:13:00.000+08:00

CBGC Youth Camp 2009 can be summarized in one word - AWESOME. The camp that many prepared for and anticipated has come and gone. Sigh...wish the camp would never end. Time just never seems to be enough. It just passes so so quickly. Its like you're complaining to yourself that you've to wake up at 7 smtg and the next moment its like~WHAT??? Its night already? Yeah...Its THAT fast.

I don't want to make any comparison to previous camps because i feel that each camp has its own purpose and each camp is special in its own way. This camp was themed "the x-treme makeover" and it did live up to its name.

I could really feel the presence of God in this camp and i know that in one way or another, many people did experience a makeover of their own. God works in many different ways in different people's lives, mine included. God was just so AWESOME. Thank you God for everything You've done in the camp. Everyone was blessed. =)

To all cell leaders,

Where would we committees and group leaders be without each and every one of you? You all are the ones that brought us up, leading us in the right direction, showing us the way to the Lord. Thank you so much. I know some of you have to actually take your precious leave just to be in the camp with us. In the camp, all of you were a great inspiration too. Helping around, dealing with matters. Many campers don't even realise how much you all did, but God was there watching. =) Thank you once again.

To all camp committees,

Wai Kit,
hmmm...i wonder how many people in this whole wide world could actually take over your place? hehe... You're just such a blessing to CGBC youth, you always were. God has used you in such a wonderful and effective way. You've been such a blessing to so many people. Don't believe? Just ask a few and you'll know. =) You are such an inspiration to many(myself included), and i'm sure you will become what you've always wanted to be~INFLUENTIAL. Forget the famous and prominent part la, trust me it doesn't help. haha... Just want to thank you for being such a wonderful friend and camp commander in this camp. Thank you so so much. You played a big part in making me what i am today. Well, you influenced me, in a good way la.

Samuel,
Another individual that is and has been and is still being used by the almighty God up till today!!! Can see you being a great servant of God in the future. You have by no doubts used your talents to the fullest!!! God is proud that you have used your talent to such big measures. I'm sure He'll inspire you to write more songs for Him in the future.

Jean Li,
The chatterbox =P. A good one though. Really respect the way you deal with tough situations. You have a way of talking which...i dunno...calms the raging seas? XD!!! Really appreciate your crap and jokes that enlightens others moods and spirit. Shy on the outside, outgoing on the inside. =)

Vincent, Sunny, Rena, Rachel,
Thanks so much for the booklet and name tags. Not forgetting the wonderful idea you guys came out for the name tags. Really bonded everyone together. =)

Adrian and Joel,
A big thank you to you guys too for making sounds sound like sounds and making pictures look like pictures. (LOL) XD!!!

Kerry and Sabrina,
Bau zou pohs...Thank you for bau zou-ing for this years camp. Guess it was worth it since SOMEONE had the priviledge to go taiwan instead. Well, you missed a great camp, and we missed you too. =)

Zach,
What can i say? You've been such a great example of what a real gentleman is like. Doing the games for the first time, you did a great job. (SALUTE) Sorry for not helping you that much though. Really appreciate you brother.

Other committees that i missed out,
You guys done a great job in making the camp a success too!!! THANK YOU!!!

Group leaders,
I'm going to express this in general. (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE). As i looked back to the camp, seeing so many taking a step furthur into being a worrior for the Lord, just brings a smile to my little face. =) Although sometimes things might seem tough, or you think that something is impossible for you to handle...always remember this, WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. For some of you its the second time and i could really see an improvement from the first time you guys were group leaders. Some of you just don't know your potentials. And after the camp, i'm sure you all know your potentials better right?

Some of you were complaining about certain members in your group. Well, how did it turn out? It wasn't THAT bad after all right? You have to just surrender everything to God and just let Him do the rest. When you have faith in yourself and in God, you will have the VICTORY. Heard some of you were facing some attitude members and were criticised. Don't let those comments affect you as you are still growing in the Lord. For those who couldn't think you can do it, in the end you did it didn't you. Even leading your group to a certain victory. =) Things just goes beyond your expectations. And once again this was proved through this camp.

'You can do it", thats what i always tell some of you when you were doubting yourselves. Why am i so sure? because what you think you can do, God can do it better! Many times better. And He will do it through you too! Our God is a BIG God. What can prove too difficult for Him?

Many things can be taken delight from this camp. There were just so many people that i didn't even get the chance to know even half of the people who were there. Sorry people. May we know each other in time to come.

Just want to say another big THANK YOU to everyone once again. Sorry if i had offended any of you throughout the camp. All praises to God!!! =) Period.

update =)

2009-12-08T10:04:00.000+08:00

tick tock tick tock (clock ticking)...time passes by so quickly...SO quickly...sometimes it just feels like time has picked up pace and has become faster than normal. Sometimes i just wish one week has more days in it. Time passes by so quickly that in the blink of an eye it is already another month. For those peeps who are having ur "wonderful hols" better enjoy it to the fullest man. Its already December, and before you know it. You'll be in school and you'll be thinking...Gosh...it feels like i was just here yesterday...LOL.

and talking bout time passing by quickly, it just occured to me that, as each second that passes by, i or in other words everyone, is not growing any younger. As each second passs by, we are growing a second older, a minute older, an hour, a day older, a week older, a month older, a fortnight older, a year older, a century older, a millenium older...ok i was crapping. Point is, we thihnk we have time and chance to do things at a later time in our lives, well sory to tell you, you're wrong...WRONGGGGGG. Time is never on our side, if you wanna do something, you better do it quickly. If you are afraid of doing something or uncertain, either you skip that thought or you don't do it at all. Simple right =P.

OK. Enough of that time goes by quickly part. I will let you ppl decide what to agree to. Either you're with me or you're with Madonna. =)

I will now write what my title says i will write which is what i wrote on my title bar...er...ok. As of today (8 December 2009), I am alive and well (DUH). Well, its already week 8 in my sem. Things are not getting any easier, nor is my time being more UNoccupied. Many ppl who were in short sem, including my bro, have already finish their sem and will be facing their finals next week. All the best everyone!!! =) The force(God) is with you. *their sem break will be one whole month~~NO FAIR!!! =( *

I am already becoming a cute little panda as each day passes by. =) Gosh~~Lord i really need You. "For the JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH" Yay!!! Joy cell GO!!! =) OK. Nvrmind. I was talking to myself.

So...i am getting busier and i am really starting to treasure those presious time with my friends and family and most importantly God. Truly appreciate your prayers ppl! THX!!! Another interesting update...Mom got herself a dog, Miki. Guess she was just too lonely huh. haha. That dog could be such a drag. Gosh...A part of the dog's storybook could be found in Esmond's brain, if you are really that desperate to know...ask ME. LOL.

Can't really think of anything to update at the moment. Will do once i think of something again. hee. Gtg for class now, STAY TUNED....(To Be Continued).

*p.s~BILYSSSM!!! M! =)

I need to change!!!

2009-11-21T13:13:00.000+08:00

Dear God Almighty,
Why am i writing this out in my blog? Is there something You want to tell others through me? I just felt that I had to write, or in other words type his out here. First and foremost, i just want to thank You God for everything in my life, everything You have blessed me with. Wonderful friends, wonderful parents and siblings, a very very good growing environment(compared to other people), material things, and most importantly the chance to get to know such a wonderful God like You.

Many times i wonder, those people who loves You so much and serves You with all their heart, since they're filled with You in their lives, does that mean that they never get sad or discouraged? Cause if they do, then does that counter the statement that all christians are always filled with joy and should show everyone how joyful they are to have You in their lives?

Once again, looking into the bible, I found that even David, the man after God's heart, sin and even go through time of sorrow and sadness. What is the purpose of this? What i have experienced is, God wants us to go through these things because these are the times we draw close to God and these are the times God has a chance to be really close to us. Smetimes we're so busy we even forgotten God's existence. Can this also be some sort of a test from God for us? Maybe. Maybe it is time for us to grow in the Lord. We can't be babies forever right. We have to grow from being a baby to becoming a worrior of God.

Many people take things for granted. Myself included. Lets not talk about other and just use me as an example. There are many things i take for granted. For example my time, my talents, my material things, and even God. Talents are gifts from God. If i take them for granted, they could be taken away as easily as it is gifted unto me. I must change. I must stop this attitude of taking things for granted. Help me Lord.

As i look at people around me. The things they do. The sins they commit without even thinking twice, my heart really hurts at the sight of those things. God died on the cross for us, for our sins. Sometimes, we take His forgiveness for granted. We say,"I do this,then after that ask for forgiveness lo,God sure forgive me wan", little did we know that each time we sin, we are nailing Him on the cross once again.

Just imagine this, He beared our sins for us. Just imagine that each one of our sins is one strike of the whip, the whip that tore Jesus's skin apart. Yes, He will definetly forgive you,but don't forget that at the same time when you sin that you're hurting Him again, nailing Him on the cross again. I dont want that. I don't want Him to suffer anymore. Many that don't know Christ sin without even knowing it. So for those of us who know when we're sinning, why don't we just stop it!? I know its impossible not to sin because all of us are humans, but i sure all of us can at least reduce it?

I can guarantee that not sinning won't make you feel worse, it will make you feel better...much much better. I've tried, why not you? I think the most important thing is to spend time with God. Once you do so, everything will fall into place. I'm not saying that is you spend time with God you won't sin la, but at least if you do so consistently, you will realise that you will be guided by the Holy Spirit, which by then should be one of your true friends.

If you feel like you've just went through a lecture, forgive me ^.^

Just want to end this post with a prayer.
Lord Jesus, Thank You Lord for waking me up today, for gifting me with another day in this world. I want to pray Lord that You will continue to reveal my purpose in life. Even right now, i want to pray for those who are facing exams, whether it is spm or stpm or even exam in their unis or colleges, whether it is this month or the next. Just pray that You will be with them Lord, leading them and guiding them all the way. When they feel nervous, i pray that You will instill peace in their hearts Lord. Let them know that You're right beside them Lord. If God is for us, who can be against us?

Lord i pray that if we have sinned against You or have taken You for granted, i pray that You'll forgive us Lord. Pray that all my friends will continue to grow in You, that they will know that You have a plan for them, a plan to prosper them and not to harm them, a plan to give them a hope and a future. You love us so much Lord, and i love You too Lord. True love contains no fear. I pray that You will teach me to have no fear of others that speak bad about You Lord. I pray that i will be able to stand up to those who abuse You and Your name.

I admit that i am weak Lord. Strengthen me Lord. Let the weak say i am strong, let the poor say i am rich, let the blind say i can see, thats what the Lord has done in me. =) All this i pray in Jesus name, Amen.

Beautiful One - Tim Hughes

2009-11-21T13:08:00.000+08:00

Wonderful, so wonderful
Is Your unfailing love
Your cross has spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen, no ear has heardNo heart could fully know
How glorious, how beautiful you are!

Beautiful One I love You
Beautiful One I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing

Powerful, so powerful
Your glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see
The beauty of Your majesty
Awakes my heart to sing
How marvellous, how wonderful You are

You opened my eyes to Your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on earth is as beautiful as You

My soul, my soul must sing
My soul, my soul must sing
My soul, my soul must sing
Beautiful One

Holy Is The Lord-Chris Tomlin

2009-11-21T13:06:00.000+08:00

We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He
And together we sing
Everyone sing

[Chorus]
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

It's rising up all aroundI
t's the anthem of the Lord's renown

Repeat
And together we sing,Everyone sing

A new beginning

2009-11-14T11:14:00.000+08:00

Here we are again. The start of a new semester. New hopes,new dreams,new friends,new environment,new lecturers,new swt ppl,new stories,new goals...but unfortunately...no new handphone,new car,new laptop,new clothes,new underwear....ok, scrap the underwear. Keke.

The fact is, its already week 4 of the new semester. LOL right? Haha. The hope of those new material things is most probably just a dream, as usual i was just crapping =D Well, hope those new dreams and goals won't turn into ashes by the end of this sem. I must really start working hard and stop getting tempted too much. Maybe i should stop blogging right now? Hehe...

Hmmm...(thinking to myself:should i continue?)...Oh well, i shall not prevail. HAHA. So whats the decision?

Apple. Continue
Banana. Come back to this later
Coconut. STOP NOW!!!
Durian. Forget about this whole post

Well, if u know me well enough, i don't fancy banana and i don't like durian so B and D is out. So remains A and C. Honestly, i prefer apple to coconut. So...

Lets continue. HAHA.

As i have said, its already the 4th week of the new semester(guess its not so new d huh). For most people, its already halfway pass their sem. For me, the lucky one(or not so lucky?),i'm going through long sem. Time seems to pass so so so so so so so so quickly this sem. I don't know why. One blink of an eye and its already week 4. And the thing that worries me is that neither me nor any of my group members have started the assignment. Well, we did start a tiny weeny bit la. But honestly, its nothing.

The new so called system of allowing you to choose your own timetable or time slot is...what shall i say...i think...its kinda good la. Get to know new friends and so on. But the thing is, its taking too darn long. First week, no new friends. Second week, form assignment group members, but don't know each other=NO NEW FRIENDS. And its not like i join my friends from the first sem thats why i didn't make new friends, its because of 5 words:YOU TALK ONI I TALK.

So, the epic story continues. 3rd week, made a few new friends la, have to ma, do assignment. At the end of this week, which is the 4th week, in total i've made...lets see...7...new friends. All which are hi bye friends only. Never really like sitting down together talking and crapping and laughing. The other thing is, i think my name is too nice to pronounce. Friends keep calling me "ESMOND!!!", and when i respond "YES?"...they or he/she will say "nothing le" or "jiao shuang"(calling just for fun,for no apparent reason) and i will be like =.=''' .

Well, hope to know those friends better. Still trying to find a good and true friend in utar though. Still praying about it. =) I'm sure God will provide. As i observe the people around me, i realised they are not as they seem. I saw a guy and thought he was quite a good fellow. Good in conversing, dresses well, well mannered. But when i saw him on another occasion, it was a totally different story.

I was walking, minding my own business(as usual), when i saw him with a group of friends. and THEN HE SAID IT. "F*** lah!!! MA C** B**!!!" I was looking at him from an angle thinking "what did you just say?!" I was stunned. After that occasion, i continue observing and realised that many other people were also like that. GOSH~~~ Hope i'm not 1 of them. Although i must admit i do say foul words unintentionally, ya, sometimes its kinda automatic. I try my best to not say those things and keep myself in check though. Still keeping myself in check daily.

These things just prove that people are unpredictable. GOSH, the things you see them do when they're "high", they're just not themselves!!! SCARY MAN~~~And to those who misuse God's and Jesus's name in vain, Lord, i pray that you'll forgive them, for they know not what they do.

God has been continually blessing me since the start of the new semester. THANK YOU GOD!!! Have been listening to the song Thank You Lord by Don Moen. Meaningful. Once again, THANK YOU LORD!!! Hehe...signing off for now.

trying my best to put God first!!!, ezmen =)

Tim Hughes-Everything

2009-10-27T17:11:00.000+08:00

God in my living There in my breathing
God in my waking God in my sleeping
God in my resting There in my working
God in my thinking God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping There in my dreaming
God in my watching God in my waiting
God in my laughing There in my weeping
God in my hurting God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything

Reality check

2009-10-27T16:29:00.000+08:00

I want to begin with an apology for my little bloggie for not feeding it for some while. =) Sorry bloggie. On many occasions i had the urgency to "feed" my blog but in the end when i sit down, the mood was just gone with the wind. The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

The month of October has really been a great month for me. If others were in my shoes, they might put it as the worst month of the year, but i want to look at it in a positive way. The month of October has really hit me hard, pulling me back to reality.

The bad things that happened drowned the good things, and i must say this...I THANK GOD IT HAPPENED!!! Firstly, it started with me getting a not so good results in my finals for my first sem. I didn't cry or anything, but those result really affected me, and i know no one else is to blame but me. I nearly couldn't get an A for my english language. If i really didn't get an A, the chances of me going home to see my parents we...nil. OK...maybe i'm going overboard.

Then came the interesting bad thing. Within a time period of 1week+, 3 friends told me i have changed, that i had bad behaviours. I was like...ok... When i asked them what is that specific bad behaviour, they didn't want tot tell me. All they said was you should know la. I was like swt... As a friend why not just tell me what i did wrong so that i can change? One of their reply was quite meaningless. One of them said, "if i told you what it is, i'm afraid i won't be able to face you as a friend anymore."

I was thinking like "WAT!?!" , so you want to keep it in your heart and hate me your whole life? I rather you tell me and not be friends with me. At least i noe what i did wrong and change, and at least they don't need to become friends with a friend like me. I deserve it anyway. Gosh,i feel so much like putting a foul word in front of the word FRIEND in the previous sentense.

I kept thinking about what i did, but just couldn't think of anything that i did that could cause such hatred. I guess i either did it unconciously, or i was blinded by my ego. To all my friends out there, if i have hurt you in the past in any way possible, I'M SO SORRY. I guess writing it here doesn't shown sincerity at all right, and its kinda useless. OK. If i have hurt any of you, pls let me know, i will come to you personally and say sorry. Its from my heart.

I love all my friends and i would never want to hurt them. Guess i was wrong, i already did pierce through a few hearts. I guess what was written in the bible is right. The tongue is such a powerful tool. It can be used for good and evil. On both occasions, it has great effect. Its proven, through me.

Through this tough time i have learnt to withdraw and seek God. I am so happy and filled with joy when i am in the presense of my Lord. =) I want to change to who God wants me to be. It will be a process, but i'll just have to slowly go through it. Hopefully next time when they said that i've changed, it would be for the better. =)

I've decided to commit myself to putting God first in my life, and i want to challenge everyone to do the same too. I know its hard, but its better than not trying. God is patient, he will always be waiting for you. Let worshipping and praising God be not just a Saturday and Sunday thingi, but instead let it be a daily thing till the last breath. Just want to thank all my friends for keeping me in prayer. THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING!!! Be my everything. =)

A wonderful week =)

2009-10-07T12:34:00.000+08:00

Well, as promised, my blog has been revived. =) Many things happened throughout the past week. I will bring you through each even in...lets say..."quite detail"...well, i will make it as detailed as possible.

26 Sept 2009
Finals were finally over. Everyone(me in particular), breathe a huge *SIGH* of relief. The only thoughts going through everyone's minds is how to spend/enjoy their holidays. I didn't have to plan much as some things had already been planned out for me.

And so some boring days passed...

30 Sept 2009
My birthday. Surprisingly many ppl wished me happy birthday. Total count was around 15+- ppl. I know for some ppl its not really that many but for me, its more than i ever had on my birthday since the day i was born. Hehe... I was touched by all those wishes. Thankz everyone!!! Well, the camp fell on the same day as my birthday. They planned a surprise for me. Well, it was my brothers idea (thx so much bro...muax), but it wasn't him who bought the cake (LOL...jk jk). OK...i blushed when they gave me the surprise, but i didn't get to eat any of the cake cause i was too full...hehe...Missed HER so much...

Well, the camp was a 3 days 2 nights camp and i must say, it really tested me and streched me both physically and mentally. I really enjoyed the camp. =) Thank You God!!!

4 Oct 2009
Woke up early in the morning. Served my God by playing for the first and second service =). Was treated pizza by church members (thanks everyone!)...At some point...i feel like i don't deserve any of these things. Who am i? I just a normal person. I just feel so blessed having so many friends around me, what more having them to treat me to such an expensive meal? Went to burn those calories of at X-treme park.

Thank you God for such a wonderful week. =). Well, last but not least, i got sick yesterday (6 Oct 2009). It was like fever+stomach ache. Rested for almost the whole day, think i slept for bout more than 12 hours (excluding normal sleeping time). Felt so much better after hours of rest. Kitty and HER visited me too. =) Guess that was part of the reason i felt better...hehe...

As of right now (7 Oct 2009), i'm free from the fever and feel much better. Thanks everyone for all your prayers. Appreciate it lots!!!

Timeout =(

2009-09-15T16:06:00.000+08:00

Don't think i will be blogging much for the rest of this month. Blogging will probably resume next month. I'm sure of it. All the best to everyone who are having exams. All glory to God!!!

i need u Lord

2009-09-09T11:31:00.000+08:00

This month is going to be a very hectic and busy month. My first finals in utar is going to begin this Friday (11 Sept 2009). Studies hasn't been going really well. Still trying to catch up on what i've missed out. And then after finals will be the campus connect camp. Don't know if i should feel exited or anxious even at this point of time.

Woke up at about 10+-a.m today,and still haven't begin today's study yet. Sigh...still blogging pulak. Think its cause of this tingy feeling that my blog hasn't been updated for quite some time that i feel obliged to update it. Hehe... Well, i know that many of my friends are studying very hard, although they claim not to be studying at all (LOSERS!!!).

Don't really know their reason of acting that way. Is it because they're humble? or is it because they want to be proud once they get their results? No idea. Well, i think this answer is almost the same for everyone. Even if u ask me, i will say i didn't study, but to a certain extent i actually did la. I think the reason most people say they didn't study is because we ourselves feel we didn't study enough for that particular test/examination. Its kind of a Malaysian thingi i guess.

Finding it hard to focus while studying nowadays. Dunno why le... I really need your help Lord. I know many people are praying for me. =) I will do my best!!!. Well, what am i still waiting for? Guess thats all for todays news. Tata for now!

Boring but yet fruitful weekend =)

2009-08-25T10:32:00.000+08:00

Last weekend i didn't plan to go back to Ipoh because most of my friends were in family camp and there was also no youth and 3rd service. But in the end i still went back after my father persuaded me to go back. The reason he gave for wanting me to go back is so that at least someone is at home, or in other words at least someone is at home with him. =) Although he didn't force me to go back, i still went back anyway, knowing that at least i can be there with him during the weekends since he only comes back during the weekends after a hectic working week.

So there i was, driving back to Ipoh on Friday from Kampar (my first time by the way), wasn't really nervous (dunno why), or anything...hmmm...maybe its because i prayed before starting the journey? Driving was known to be in the Goh family's genes anyway. My dad is a pro driver, can't say the same about my bro and sis though, they're close...but they're more of verging to the "crazy driver" category...keke...but they're good la, honest.

Me le, normal lo. I think i haven't unleash my true potential yet...keke. But anyway driving fast is never good (aside form getting you to a place a LITTLE earlier), so to all drivers, if you're REALLY not rushing, please be careful and don't speed.

Arriving home, i was wondering what i was going to do for the next two days and in the end, it ended up quite well. I managed to spend some much sought after time with my God, not forgetting going to the movies to watch G.I.JOE with my dad. Guess he knew i was bored anyway. => The movie was...well...interesting, quite good actually, considering many of those things are actually more possible than someone extending steel claws slashing people for fun.

I missed HER so much during the weekends, but on Sunday, seeing some of my friends in church, my mood kinda lifted up. I love all my friends, whether its in church or in uni. Being able to see them, makes me smile. =) God also reminded me that many of my friends and cell leaders have been praying for me while i was going through a bad patch just last week.

THANK YOU EVRYONE FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!! =)

Recently many of my friends are facing different kinds of problems. I've been hearing and seeing so much. I don't want my friends to be sad. If any of my friends have any problems, i'll always be there to lend a listening ear or even a helping hand. But if any of them don't want their problems to be known, i won't force them to tell either. What i'll be doing is PRAYING!

PRAYING is the easiest and most effective way to help my friends. It has done wonders for me (thanks to my wondeful God =) ) and i'm sure my prayers for my friends will be heard by God too. =)

THANK YOU GOD FOR HEALING ME AND I PRAY THAT MY FRIENDS WILL BE HEALED AND THAT THEY WILL BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE YOU TOO! THANK YOU GOD! LOVE YOU...MUACKS =)

SORRY SORRY

2009-08-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

This is a MV from a korean group named SUPER JUNIOR (or is it?) consisting of wat...10+- guys? Quite a nice MV. Although I don't know korean, I was kinda attracted to its rhythem and tempo, and quite a good choreography. At some point it sounded like an indian song...lol...and some of them look gay in the vid... XD! Hope you like it! =)

*p.s: wonder hw many sorry(s) they actually said...keke...hope they're not actually singing anything pervert or foul language...oops...

hint: for clear hearing, its best you pause my autoplay song first though. Sorry for the inconvinience. =)

A sad week

2009-08-18T23:38:00.000+08:00

Even as i'm typing this...The words that can come to my mind about what i'm feeling right now:-
1) sad
2) down
3) moody
4) emo
5) depressed

I don't know why i'm feeling like this. Ever since end of last week, these feelings hv been growing inside me. This feelings we made worse by the things i saw, things i heard, and things i observed...adding to the fact that my cell leader wasn't back during the weekend. I guess i really needed someone to listen to my problems, to just lend a ear. But yet in my heart i told myself i was not going to make someone waste their time listening to me. So i kept it inside.

Seeking for an alternative, i naturally thought of seeking God. I prayed, at times almost at the brink of crying but i held back my tears. When i think of everything, i just...felt so tired and fed up of everything. I just want to pour it out to God. SHE tried to comfort me, and it actually worked...but a few days after that i was back to this unexplainable feeling again.

I don't know whats wrong with me. Many people say i've changed. When i come to think of it, i think i've changed for the worse and not for the better. I've hurt so many peoples feelings unknowingly. I've been left out from my group of friends. Most of my kampar friends stay in west lake while i'm staying in east lake. Hearing their stories of them having fun the day before, sometimes make me envy them, wishing i could stay at west lake too. But the rental there prove too expensive.

They will be chatting with each other about what happened and i'll just be sitting there quietly listening, wishing i could be part of the conversation too. I don''t actually feel bad being left out, because i think that having God in my life beats being left out. Nowadays in uni i'll be alone most of the time because my so called good friends have made new friends and they do many activities together in westlake, so they more or less stick together with each other more often now.

I feel happy for them. (or do i?) The times when i'm alone, i would spend this time talking to God and just sort of entertain myself. I like being alone sometimes. But being alone sometimes also make me think of many things. There are quite a number of people i would like to say sorry to right now. I'm just so messed up, so confused. I don't know what to think right now. I don't even know if i'm typing sense. So to those who are reading this and don't understand where its getting to, i'm sorry. Even i don't know where i'm getting at.

Among my ipoh friends, to a certrain degree i do feel left out too. I don't know why. Maybe because i didn't go to form 6 and thus don't really have the same wavelengths with my friends who are in form 6. Or maybe its just because of the fact that i've came to kampar to study that i feel different. i feel like i'm in the way when a group of them are talking together.

At times i feel like being left alone but yet i don't want to be left alone. Something's missing, or in other words too many things are in my mind. Things that i just can't let go of. I really need God right now.

There are many more things i want to express. But i think this amount of crap is enough for today. I know things will clear up soon. =) TQ GOD

Tired, messed up & confused,
Esmond...

2009-08-15T02:56:00.000+08:00

Finally i was able to go online. Wednesday's heavy rain (i don't know how) somehow managed to sort of like destroy all the internet connections. I mean like, when i on the wireless, i can still detect, but when i try to connect, i just wasn't able to connect to the internet.

But today, i think its was God's blessing. When i woke up today, which was at about 9.05.32 a.m. , i didn't even think of starting up my laptop. This is mainly due to the reason that for the past two days my efforts to go online were in vain. I was like "oh, crap!". Well, i don't really know what made me on my laptop but somehow i did (habit i guess), and when i did actually on it, i was still slumber and blur.

It actually took me about 5 minutes or so to realise that everything (internet connection) was back to normal. I was so exited and quickly started to get busy clicking my pet. Sorry if i clicked u too hard Micky. =)

...was so into facebook (LOL) that i didn't realise how fast time has passed. One look at the clock and it was time for class. For everyones information i actually DID arrive to class late for about 15 mins+- because i thought i had lots of time and forgotten that i actually have to cycle to block B. =( Hate Fridays.

Don't know why le, on fridays, its especially hard to cycle to uni. The sun seems much brighter, the wind i have to cycle against seems more stronger, my legs seem to be weaker, and the other people around me seems to be more blur and dangerous(ARGGGHHH!!!). Hmm...maybe they're suffering from the same thing too...dunno lah.

I find that i like to think and ponder about many things whilst riding my bicycle, whether its to or from uni. Sometimes think of food, play, nonsense, crap, rubbish an mush more BS. Keke... Somehow thinking of these things helps me to realise many things, thing that i missed out throughout the entire day. When i think back, I do seem to be able to remember some details about some things that i didn't actually realise or observe at that point of time (HUH!?). If its something i forgot to do, i might end up regretting the whole half of the day. Not that regretting helps anyway. =)

Well...Oh yeah!!!. I forgot to thank God for this whole week and for everything too!...my presentationS, moodyness, ...etc. TQ God for everything!!! ^.^

Every Man - Casting Crowns (3rd song on my playlist)

2009-08-14T20:58:00.000+08:00

I'm the man with all I've ever wanted
All the toys and playing games
I am the one who pours your coffee, corner booth each Saturday
I am your daughter's favorite teacher
I am the leader of the band
I sit behind you in the bleachers
I am every man

I'm the coach of every winning team and still a loser in my mind
I am the soldier in the airport facing giants one more time
I am the woman shamed and haunted by the cry of unborn life
I'm every broken man, nervous child, lonely wife

Is there hope for every man
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
Is there hope for every man
Is there love that never dies
Is there peace in troubled times
Someone help me understand
Is there hope for every man

Seems there's just so many roads to travel, it's hard to tell where they will lead
My life is scarred and my dreams unraveled
Now I'm scared to take the leap
If I could find someone to follow who knows my pain and feels the weight
The uncertainty of my tomorrow, the guilt and pain of yesterday

Is there hope for every man
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
Is there hope for every man
Is there love that never dies
Is there peace in troubled times
Someone help me understandIs there hope for every man

There is hope for every man
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
There is hope for every man
There is Love that never dies
There is peace in troubled times
Will we help them understand?
Jesus is hope for every man

2 down, 1 more to go

2009-08-11T02:38:00.000+08:00

Did 2 presentations today (10 August 2009), public speaking and computer studies presentation. The day started with me waking up late, mayb due to the overnight work and preparation for the presentation(s). Apparently it wasn't enough. The public speaking presentation, well, it didn't go as well as i wanted it to, but i guess that's what you get when you don't put in enough effort and practice in doing the presentation.

To all my group members, thank you all so much, you guys did your very very best, i'm so proud of all of you. If anyone is to blame, the person would be me. Starting late, insufficient practice and so on was mainly due to the lack of my time management. Not that i'm looking down on myself or whatever, come to think of it, its just ME.

As a group leader, leadership quality MUST be shown, and that was the exact thing that was BLARINGLY lacking. Just ask any of my group members, i'm sure they'll agree with you without a second thought. The sharing out of tasks and responsibilities weren't equal too. No one's to blame for that because its understandable that some have to go back during the weekends.

To all my group members, i'm sorry if things didn't turn out well. It was obvious that we could have done much better with a little more effort, just as said by ms.chuah. Don't feel depressed or sad or down ya. What's past is past. All i can say is that i'm sorry.

p.s: Thank you God so much for helping me and guiding me throughout this whole process of doing the talkshow and computer studies presentation. You have blessed and given me so much. What more could i ask for? What ever results that comes out, i'll just accept it. I know God has helped me plenty, once again its just me...hehe...I get what i deserve i guess. (A lesson learnt)

As for the computer studies presentation, once again, thank you everyone for their efforts in doing the report and poster. Everyone chipped in. The credit belongs to everyone. Me as the leader, have to say that i'm surprised on the cooperation gave by all of you (group members).

Even right now, before i go to bed, all i want to do is just place everything at God's feet, and rest in His arms. Next week is econs presentation. Better bark up. =) TQ GOD.

Who Am I (2nd song in my playlist)

2009-08-09T11:49:00.000+08:00

Who am i
That the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurts

Who am i that the bright and morning stars
Whould choose to light the way
For my ever wondering heart

Not because of who i am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what i've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapour in the wind
Still You Hear me when i'm calling
Lord You catch me when i'm falling
And You told me who i am
I am yours (x2)

Who am i
That the eyes that see our sins
Would look on me with with love
And watch me rise again
Who am i that the voice that calm the sea
Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me

Not because of who i am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what i've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapour in the wind
Still You Hear me when i'm calling
Lord You catch me when i'm falling
And You told me who i am
I am yours

A normal day...there must be more than this...

2009-08-07T01:00:00.000+08:00

Thinking back of what happened this whole day (Thursday 6 August 2009), I have to say, it was kind of a wasted day for me. As usual, before the day started, I had many things I had in mind that i wanted to do, or in other words, achieve. But at the end of the day, I ended up wasting time and only doing things that are nessesary and appropriate at that moment of time. I felt like i've just wasted one whole day again. Sigh... I feel so useless and wasted. Today was such a beautiful day that God created just so that i can do many beautiful and wonderful things. but ended up wasting it. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.

Upon reaching uni, the only thing i could think of was monday's talkshow. Me, as the public speaking group leader, of course naturally, had to bear certain amount of responsibilities. My whole way cycling to uni, all i was thinking was about how to make my talkshow a better one, a special one. I don't want it to be just something normal, i wanted to think out of the box. I was thinking so much that i almost ran over a cow dunk, or is it buffalo dunk? =) Well, I was kinda disappointed that i couldn't generate any creative ideas, and my group members were expecting something. So all i have to say is that i'm sorry. I'm not usually like that, but then don't know why leh, these few days also like this. Maybe its because I saw some pretty brilliant talkshow performances and i want to be better than them? Or maybe because I miss something or someone? I don't really know. I'm kinda confused now. To my group members, sorry if i sounded a little bit harsh. I know i demanded creativity and perfection. If i pushed any of you too hard, from the bottom of my heart, i'm sorry.

At about 8+- pm, as usual, i went to my church service after my last lecture which ends at 8. Of all days for my lecture to end at 8, THURSDAY, GOSH... the day that my church have a service in kampar, and i have to actually rush just to get there. Worst part is, cause of my late class, i don't get to serve, sad le. Playing guitar, drum, whatever also can la, i just want to serve my Lord. T.T I hope next sem won't be like this le. Well, I went there and had a quick dinner, then went to the service. My father was the one preaching...WOW...keke... Er, his topic was kinda deep. Something about murder? Haha... It was a very interesting topic in all though. Came back, was tired, but see now...i still end up at the table, writing this blog/post, and its already 1 something. Gosh, i didn't realise the time. Thank You God for today..."there must be more than this"...

In a single day

2009-08-03T20:06:00.000+08:00

I'm tired...very tired...but on the other hand...i feel quite happy...yet sad at the same time...happy cause i know God's always there for me no matter what happens...leading me, guiding me, comforting me...thank you God...i LOVE You. The sad part...well...its kinda long story...but all this happened in just one day, which is today. Satan has been doing his works among ppl, his main purpose is to kill, steal and destroy. And MAN...has he been doing a hell of a good job. First, 2 of my friends misund each other and now they dun even talk, then, saw another friend of mine...kinda dejected...he doesn't show it but i noe he is...,then little david is hospitalized for high fever...and so on...sigh...when all of these things happen, the only thing dat comes to my mind is PRAYER...and so i prayed...i'm praying even while i'm typing this...i hv faith that God will answer my prayers...all things are possible with God. Satan might hv his fun now but in the end...he will fall...I hv always believed everything happens for a purpose...everything is part of God's wonderful and brilliant plan...to my bro's and sis in christ who are feeling down...just pray and surrender everything at God's feet. Find peace and rest in Him. All i hope for now is for everyone to be happy. I want to see everyone smile, not a fake smile of course. A smile from the heart. =) The bigger the better. I'll be praying for all of my friends. THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING. =)

I'M BACK

2009-08-02T00:03:00.000+08:00

Finally, after months, or in other words 2 months of not blogging, i finally decided to blog again. Dunno why suddenly hv dis feeling le...mayb cause of influence by somebody?...dunno...blur. Just handed in 4 interesting yet hectic assignments. Econs, acc, computer studies and public speaking outline. Well, i didn't really have a hand in the econs and acc assignments, so to my group members who worked hard in finishing it, thank you all very very much. Phew, feel a little bit tired now but still dun feel like sleeping, cause of something, or some1...hehe...aha. Slept at 4 on friday attempting to finish the public speaking outline. Er, it wasn't actually an attempt, i did finish it by the way. Thank God so much for keeping me healthy and keep filling me with ideas on wat to use as points in my outline. Seeing only me and my friend, Jeff, did the outline, i feel kinda guilty not involving others in it. They were busy in other assignments anyway. So when everyones suppose to noe what "nonsense"(oops, sorry miss chuah) they're suppose to talk about before we even start writing the outline, no one knows anything except me and him. Even though i'm tired, but i noe God will help me in generating more ideas for wat to do during the talksow. All the best to me and my team le...i mean group. =) Life in utar so far...wellllllll...it has been a "wonderful" experience learning in a new environment, meeting new SORTS of ppl and so on, but the thing i'm proud of the most is how much i've grown in the Lord since i came here. Well, you do pray n talk to God more when things aren't going your way right...(keke)...so there i was...an innocent "small", "little" boy wondering what i should do next. Everyones seems to know me, thanks to someone, but i'm actually quite grateful for that. Well, i hope to noe each and everyone better as soon as possible. I'm not the very outgoing type you noe. So...bagi sikit masa la...I'm not shy, but...sometimes...malu a bit la...ERRRRRRRR...WHAT?...lol...dunno what i'm typing and thinking...I hv much much more to say, or in other words type...but oh...look at the time now...should be sleeping soon...TADA for nw...will continue my epic saga...hopefully soon...=)

Wat Now?

2009-05-18T23:16:00.001+08:00

Months have passed...Well...D path i'm taking...Honestly...Is d only choice i hv...Aside from form 6...Which i 100% want to avoid...Nw...My future is ahead of me...UTAR...ya...some will be shouting in their hearts...BORING!!!...well...let me tell you...goin to UTAR...is better than staying at home for a few months doing nothingbut rot...BORING!!!...at last i can do something solid...although i dun really like studying...but it beats beating d crap out of d computer handled characters in DOT-A...or even CS...well...i'm VERY VERY excited...but its still a long way to go...thank you God...i'm not sure if this is d path u wanted me to go on...but i noe dat nw dat i've started to journey on this path...i noe He'll bless my decision n choice...ALL THE BEST TO MYSELF...lol...

2008-08-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

Everyone has problems. That's very normal. As for me, i am facing some problems too (6 August 2008).These problems that i am facing, are most probably what other "normal" guys are facing too...haha...

PROBLEMS

1. MYSELF

2. Pressure(from peers and parents)

3. Studies

4. Friendships

5. Relationships

1.MYSELF

The biggest problem, or in other words obstacle in my life right now is obviously me myself. Thoughts that come to my mind make me think negatively about some things. Then those thoughts are followed by action without confidence. As the saying goes, you are what you eat....the same goes for thoughts too. If u think you will succeed in something, you will certainly work your way towards achieveing it. If you think negatively about something, it most probably will make you fall. Such has been the case for me. I always look down on myself from certain aspects. Studies, personalities, appearance and so on. These things sometimes do affect me, although i try to ignore them.

2.PRESSURE

Many things can give you pressure. For example, friends, parents, teachers and even self. Pressure can be good and can also be bad, depending on how you face it. Pressure is no doubt a problem for me. I am not able to cope with too much pressure, which is just natural i guess. I just won't be able to feel like myself when under pressure.

3.STUDIES

Need i say more???....Those who like/love to study, you are most probably not human. Maybe you're GODLIKE...i dunno...

4.FRIENDSHIPS

Ah...Friends...Its good to have friends right. Friends help mould your character. But are those friends really worthy to be your true friends? Thats the question. Some friends are there just for show, and when you need them, they just disappear into thin air. Some will betray you and even gossip about you behind your back. Do i have friends who are like that? I definietly think so. I'm not saying that all my friends are like that, just a small portion. Some of them actually don't really like you but they pretend to have no bad feelings towards you by putting on a FAKE smiling face when talking to you. That is the thing i hate the most. Why force yourself to put on a smiling face when you don't evn wanna talk? To tell the truth, i really love all my friends and wish our friendship would last forever. Although i have to admit i myself don't really keep in touch with some of them...hehe...but i just hope that even after spm or while in uni and so on, that our friendship can continue. We can find sometime to hang out and do something together, perhaps watching a movie? Some of my true friends have really helped me in life. They have been part of my life, like a missing piece of puzzle. They have encouraged me and help me in times of need. I really don't want to lose these kind of friends. THANK YOU FRIENDS!!!

5.RELATIONSHIPS

Want to know more???...Come and talk to me...You will prbably not like what i will say anyway...haha

The Beginning,Me

2008-07-17T19:17:00.000+08:00

The beginning of something, in other words, also means the start of something...but i guess everyone already knows that right. But if you think throughly, the beginning has so many more meanings. For some people, the beginning could mean the end, the start of something pleasant, or even taking a step out of their comfort zone. English words has so many meanings and complications that you sometimes go bonkers trying to get them right. Take for example the word "grateful", sometimes during exam when your floodgates of ideas start to gush out when you are writing an essay, you think you are feeling skyhigh, full of confidence, but little did you know that you have accidentally written the word "grateful" into "greatful"...that's what happened to me.So next time you think you have written a great essay, double check twice...don't write the word "and" into "dan"...it changes the meaning totally, if you know what i mean.

For me, everyday is a new beginning.Everyday when i wake up, i have new hopes and dreams. New goals and targets...although i don't always achieve them. And in the end, some of the things will remain as hopes and dreams but not achievements. One advice i always give myself, don't dream the impossible...but thats what dreaming is mainly for right? LOL...

So what does the word beginning mean to you?...Think about it!!!